Tonight I feel an intense and overwhelming sense of gratefulness. God has been blessing me abundantly. My results for this semester have far surpassed my expectations. And so, it struck a familiar chord in me- telling me that perhaps everything is too good to be true. In fact, paranoia gripped me. I feared my eyes have been playing tricks on me or that there has been an unfortunate mix up of results and apparently those shown on the screen weren’t mine. (Anyway, I just logged onto the system again just to be sure.) Thank You Father. For I am not deserving of Your grace and Your blessings. Thank You for Ken, the boy who’s everything I could ever ask for in a man and in a husband, for my family, and for walking me through every trial and challenges.

As I lie in bed and think about the many things that I am thankful for, the tension and exhaustion of the day scuttles away. I have an almighty God, an awesome mother and a wonderful boyfriend. There is absolutely nothing else that I can possibly desire. Thank You, Father.

Falling in love with him is so intense and certain and yet so easy and ephemeral.

I’m beginning to wonder if it’s worth staying on tumblr. It’s starting to turn into a large mausoleum, flooded with despondency and girls worshipping anorexia and suicide. Either that or an endless display of glitterati- people whose pictures have been airbrushed to such perfection. Where’s the beautiful tumblr?

When you expect your man to be faithful, do you mean just faithfulness in deed or faithfulness in thought as well?

Today mom asked if I felt shortchanged in any way because I grew up without dad. I said no because I have a fantastic mom. But of course, mother’s love can never really fill the dad-shaped vacuum. Who doesn’t wanna be daddy’s girl?

You have a 10 dollar note in your wallet. The mind interprets this as “You’re poor.” The reality is that you have 10 dollars in your wallet, but through mind’s interpretation, suddenly your reality becomes negative. You start to entertain dysphoric thoughts filtrating your mind.

You have not applied for university. The mind interprets this as “You’re one lazyass who will have no future and will regret not going to university.” Again, reality is warped into negativity through the mind’s interpretation.

You take public transport. The mind is at work yet again. As you dive into the undulating ocean of people onboard, words around you begin morphing into condemnatory judgements, screaming “You’re a loser with no car.”

You have nothing to do and want nothing to do at the moment. You don’t know what you want to do at the moment. The mind steps in with a multitude of thoughts, elbowing and jostling for position like cramped commuters on a jammed packed train. “You should be doing something and you should know what you want to do and do it.”

It almost seems like the only reason we’re unhappy or force ourselves to do the things that we dislike or are uncomfortable with is because we are unable to fully appreciate and align with the preferences in our mind. But life is fine or already perfect as it is. It is the mind that comes in with its own idea of how life should be.

Sometimes you find yourself more at ease in relationships defined by inconsistency, anger, irreconcilable jealousy, and neglect, simply because that is what you have grown used to over the years. You grow complacent with the misery and heartache. Most importantly, you give up on yourself. When something accessible, consistent, warm, and altogether incredible comes into the picture, sometimes the hardest step is taking a deep breath, letting go of your tattered past, and taking that risk with something new — all the while repeating to yourself, “I’m worth it, I’m worth it, I’m worth it.”

⎯ Rob Borchert, Thought Catalog